Scary… Now With Video!

I always knew my son would be smart.

My wife is smart.  Not just smart, but genius level, “MENSA is a group of retards” smart.  Sucks to be me.  It’s not her fault, but sometimes, I feel extremely stupid just being around her.  Kind of like how a fat dude feels skinnier if he hangs out with dudes who are even fatter.

Never go full retard.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going full retard.

That said, I knew if he applied himself, my son could possibly be a super villain.  I didn’t expect a little Lex Luthor.

See, when he was born, he seemed different than the other babies in the nursery.  They would lay in their cribs in the nursery and scream their little heads off.  He would look around, take everything in, and even look toward the other babies as if he was thinking, What the hell is that thing’s problem?  Even the nurses commented on how he was so alert and he seemed to be observing everything.  Even then, he always knew what he wanted.  He flat out refused to breast feed.  It was too slow.  He wanted food when he wanted it, dammit.  I gave him a bottle, and he was happy.  Instant gratification.  The hospital nurses told us it was impossible; no baby knows what it wants.

Ha ha.  Na nana boo boo.

When he was about nine months old, we bought him some alphabet flash cards.  By the time he was a year-and-a-half old, he could say the alphabet, minus a couple of letters (literally, 2 letters.  Q and W).  Then, I noticed something strange.  He didn’t just say the letters, he recognized them.  He would read letters off of signs, books, anything he saw.  He would watch Super Why! in the morning, and say the letters that popped up on the screen.

One night last May, my wife and I went to the movies, and one of her co-workers watched him for us.  When we went to pick him up, she first said she didn’t believe he could recognize his letters before then.  She then asked us, “How did you teach him to read?”

My wife and I looked at each other.  We had no clue.  Apparently, she wanted him and her son to play with Play-Doh, and he read the label and said, “Play-Doh.”  Then, as he was watching TV, he read the Fox logo off of the screen.  He didn’t just say “F-O-X.”  He said the word, fox.

Now, he can read simple words, like cat and dog, and colors.

And he can count to 20.  Forward and backward.  Not only that, he can count objects.  He will sit and count his fingers.  He’ll line up his blocks and count them.  When faced with a problem, he will stand back and solve it.

Seriously, he scares me a little bit.  I’m not stupid, but I know he is going to be smarter than me.  I’ll be dealing with two geniuses.

Basically, I’m going to look like this in comparison:

Me, compared to my wife and son.

Me, compared to my wife and son.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love him and my wife.  I’m so glad that although I’m surrounded by idiots, especially here in the Midwest (more on that later), I have such an intelligent family.  I just know that as my son gets older, he’ll be able to outsmart me.

Even so, I’ll still have the power to ground him.  So there.

Here’s a little video of him and his book about colors…


3 Responses to “Scary… Now With Video!”

  1. I think it’s clearly time you start harnessing his power for your own plans of evil domination. While he’s still young and impressionable.

  2. I’m a little old for world domination. I’ll live vicariously through him, I think.

  3. How he’s grown since December! Wow!

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