Merry Christmas!

From my family to yours…

Merry Christmas!

And, remember the reason for the season… the Pagan festivities celebrating the Winter Solstice, which the Church adopted as their own in order to convert more Pagans, then attached the name of Christ to said festivities to make them more holy!  Even though the Pilgrims and Puritans banned Christmas as it was associated with drunkenness and debauchery, it is still the holiest of the holidays!

Enjoy your presents (Pagan ritual) under your tree (Pagan ritual), brought to you by the jolly elf himself (demi-god, who is strikingly similar to Odin), St. Nicholas (actually a Greek bishop, who may or may not have given gifts to the poor), a man so famous, he has a corporate sponsor (Coca-Cola commissioned Haddon Sundblom to paint pictures of him in the 30’s.  They wanted him to use their bright red and white colors, hence Santa’s bright red and white outfit).

Just remember, he watches you sleep, judges you without any real context, and, if he deems you worthy, breaks into your house, eats your cookies, drinks your milk, and leaves you a present he bought at Wal-Mart, instead of one his slaves elves made.

He does all of this under the assumption that you are not Jewish.  If you’re Jewish, he won’t even give you the time of day.  Why he hates Jews, no one knows.

Merry Christmas!

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